Cry
by Piper Elizabeth
Summary: Told from Andy’s POV, how she feels about announcing to everyone that she has cancer and how she feels about Josh.  Missing scenes from “Hands On A Hybrid”  JoshAndy Story
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Cry

**Rating:** T for normal teenage behavior (nothing you wouldn't see on the show).

**Disclaimer:** Kyle XY and its affiliated characters do not belong to me.

**Summary:** Told from Andy's POV, how she feels about announcing to everyone that she has cancer and how she feels about Josh. Missing scenes from "Hands On A Hybrid" Josh/Andy Story

**Spoilers:** "Hands On A Hyrbid" and I guess all episodes before "Hands On A Hybrid," just to be safe.

**Notes:** I got the idea for this fic from the song "Cry" by Mandy Moore. Although this isn't a song fic, I would just like to recognize it for being my inspiration.

**Chapter 1**

"I'm the one with cancer!"

I heard the words spill out of my mouth, but I couldn't believe it. Someone else must have shouted it because it couldn't have been me. The one thing that I had been holding on to, the one secret I was determined to keep, was now out in the open for everyone to hear and I didn't know how it happened.

I looked at him, his eyes wide like a deer trapped in headlights. I could feel the tears stinging my own eyes, but I would not cry. I would not give everyone around me, all of whom were staring at me as if I had just punched them each in the face, the satisfaction of seeing my cry. I refused to be "that" girl.

I whirled around, climbed over the rope that was set up to block people like from entering the stage. I should have listened to the rope. I should have let it stop me. If I had, I wouldn't be feeling the tears.

The crowd parted as I stomped through, trying to get as far away from everything and everyone as possible, especially him.

"Andy, wait!" I heard him yell, but I didn't stop. I couldn't stop.

I kept walking, my pace quickening as I went. Everyone was staring at me and I hated it. I hated knowing that they all knew. I hated knowing that I would be the latest gossip.

"Andy!" He shouted.

He was getting closer so I broke out into a full out run. As my legs carried me through the parking lot and across the green grass of the small town park nearby, I felt the tears stream down my cheeks. I hadn't even known that I had begun to cry until I felt one drip off my chin. I covered my face with my hands, but didn't stop running. I hadn't yet cried about my cancer. I always thought that there was no use crying when there was nothing I could do about it anyway. One day at the hospital, when I was undergoing some tests that I had no clue what they were for, I heard my moms talking to a psychiatrist. One of my moms asked him if it was normal that I hadn't cried yet. He told her I would cry when I was ready.

I guess I was ready.

I felt my foot hit a solid object and, before I knew it, I was falling. My knees hit the ground first and I put my hands out to break my fall. I could feel the small pebbles and sticks embed themselves into my skin. I rolled onto my side, ignoring the stinging in my right knee, and curled into the smallest, tightest ball I possible could.

I could hear the sound of his feet pounding over the ground. He came to a stop just feet away from me. He was breathing heavily after chasing me down, but his breathing was drowned out by the sound of my sobbing.

"Andy," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. I could tell he didn't know what to say. After all, what do you say to a girl on the ground who's crying her eyes out?

He knelt down beside me. I felt his hand lightly on my shoulder.

"Leave me alone," I yelled through my tears.

He removed his hand, but didn't leave. I wanted him to leave. I wanted to be left alone. I wanted to simply drown in my own tears. Was that to much to ask? And yet, I wanted him to stay. I wanted him to stay and hold me and tell me that everything was going to be okay. But I couldn't do that. I couldn't let him do that.

"I'm sorry," he said simply as if that were going to make everything better.

"I said leave me alone!" I shouted, scrambling to my feet.

I tried to wipe the hot tears from my cheeks, but more tears fell to take their place. I hated that he was watching me cry. I kept walking forward, having no destination, but just wanting to get away from him. Away from the feelings I was having for him that were growing stronger everyday, but that I knew I shouldn't be having.

"I don't know what you want from me," he said.

I refused to look at him, knowing that if I saw him, I would break even more than I already had. I had begun to realize that he did that to me. He made me want to rely on him, he made me want to cry on his shoulder, even though I knew that I shouldn't. I knew that I had to be strong on my own.

"I want…I want you to realize that what you did was wrong. And I want to know how you could be so…damn selfish."

I was trying to think clearly, trying to sound as put together as I possibly could be. I wiped my tears away again, making myself stop crying.

"You want to know why I did it?" He asked.

I turned to face him. I wanted to be able to see his eyes, to know if what he was saying was true.

"To get a car that would attract big boobed bimbos?" I retorted. I knew the question hit below the belt, but I didn't care.

"I did it for you, Andy," he responded harshly. "I wanted to win the car for you."

I had to process what he said. Had he meant it? Was the Josh I knew that sensitive? I looked into his eyes, and I knew without a doubt that he was.

"Why?" It was the only thing I could think to say.

"Why? He mimicked. "Why? Because I care about you, Andy. Because I want to show you that I'm in this, no matter…what happens. I want to be there for you. I want…"

"You don't get it, Josh. You talk about it like this is just a stroll in the park, but it isn't. This is cancer. This is my life."

"And I want to be part of it!"

Again, I knew what he was saying was true. The look in his eyes was the same one he gave me the night I told him he had cancer when he wanted to talk about it and I refused to. I knew then that he cared and I knew now that he cared even more, but I still wanted to live in denial. I had been denying it since that night and I found no reason to quit the denial now.

"I can't hear this right now," I lied. I wanted him to say those things to me. I wanted to know that I wouldn't be alone.

"So, what does that mean?" He asked. I shook my head. I didn't know what I was saying. It's like my mind and my mouth were coming from two different brains. "Andy?"

"It means…"

"What?" I couldn't think. I had no answer for him. "Does it mean we're over?"

"How can we be over when we were never together in the first place?" I practically shouted.

I don't know why I said it, but as soon as I did, I knew I hurt him. Like everything else, I could see it in his eyes. And I could feel it in my own heart.

Author's Note: Out of the twenty or so fanfic stories I've written, I have never once written a story from one character's point of view. I'm finding this story difficult (because it's hard to get inside the head of a fictional character and I have a tendency to ramble) and easy (because I can ramble all I want) all at the same time. I really wanted to try to capture Andy's indecisiveness and mood swings and uncertainness in this story and I hope I did it justice. This was just supposed to be a one-shot, but, for those who have read my stories before know, I'm basically incapable of writing one-shots so there will be a few more chapters coming. Thank you for reading and please review!


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

I turned my back on him and walked away. I didn't know what else to do. He was just standing there, staring at me as if he expected me to say something, but no words formed at my lips. I was spent. Emotionally and physically spent. For the first time, I felt my knee throbbing and I realized that I must have fallen harder than I thought. I knew that the cancer had already begun to weaken my body and for the first time, I could really start to feel it. I would probably have an ugly bruise for months, but I realized that it didn't matter. Nobody would be looking at my knee anyway. Nobody would care that much.

I continued to walk, feeling the tears against my skin again. This time, he didn't follow me even though I wanted him to. I knew my moms said that they would pick me up at the end of the charity event, but I walked home. It was almost two miles, but I didn't care. By the time I reached the front door, I was out of breath and sweating. The cancer had really begun to take its toll.

"Honey, is that you?" One of my moms called out. I said something about going up to my bedroom and I trudged up the stairs. I walked into my room, slammed the door closed, and just stood. At last I was in my sanctuary, the one place where no one could touch me. In my bedroom, I didn't have to think about school or about cancer or about him. In my room I could just be me, carefree and cancer free.

As I flopped down onto my bed, my hat falling off, I looked up at the ceiling.

"What have I done?" I whispered to myself before letting the tears fall.

I woke up nearly an hour later. I hadn't meant to fall asleep, but my sobs had somehow lulled me to sleep like a mother rocking her baby back and forth. My first thoughts as I opened my eyes, still staring at the blue painted ceiling above me, were of him and I knew that I had to find him.

I jumped out of bed, shoved my hat back on my head and walked out of my room. As I made my way down the stairs, I saw one of my moms sitting on the couch, munching on a bowl of popcorn while she watched yet another made for TV movie.

"How was the benefit?" She asked me, putting the movie on mute.

"Fine," I responded."

"Just fine?" I headed for the door, deliberately ignoring her. "Going out?" She asked me.

"For a little while," I responded. I had no idea how long I would be out, but I wasn't about to tell her that.

"Do you want a ride?"

"No," I answered simply. I needed to be alone. Besides, I had no idea where I'd find him.

"Well, don't stay out too late," she said. "You need your rest."

"I know, mom."

I knew that she was just trying to protect me, but I was tired of having to come home early to "rest." Little did my mom know, usually when she thought I was sleeping, I was battling Josh at G-Force.

"I love you," she called out as I opened the door and walked out.

I headed for his house first, but I noticed immediately that his car wasn't in the driveway. Having no other idea where he could be, I decided to start from where I last saw him. I walked the two miles back to the benefit. As I entered the building, I noticed that most people had already left. The car, that was the cause of this catastrophe, was still parked in the middle of the room.

"Can I help you?" Someone asked me. I recognized him as one of the coordinators of the benefit.

"I'm looking for something," I answered, staring at the car. How did such a meaningless object change my life so much in such a short time?

"We've got a lost and found in the back."

"I don't think what I'm looking for will be in the lost and found, but thanks." I turned to walk away, trying to think of where else he might be.

"Hey," the guy said. I looked back at him, wondering what he wanted. "I'm sorry about…"

"Yeah," I interjected. I didn't want him to say it. "Thanks." I didn't mean it. I wasn't thankful that he felt bad for me. I was angry. I didn't need anyone feeling sorry for me.

I raced out and leaned my back against the wall, breathing heavily. I don't know why, but what he said made it all real. I placed my hand against my chest, trying to steady my beating heart. More than ever, I knew that I needed him. If I was going to have to deal with strangers telling me they were sorry that I was struck with a terminal illness, I needed him.

I headed down the same path I had taken when I was running from him. Well, at least it was as close to the same path as I could remember. I had been a little too preoccupied earlier in the day to really know how I gotten to where I ended up in the middle of the park.

As I approached the spot where I had fallen, I saw him. He was sitting where I left him, in the exact same spot. I hung back, hiding myself behind a tree. I don't know why I didn't immediately throw myself into his arms and beg him to forgive me for being so stupid, but I didn't. Instead I hid.

"Josh!"

I heard her voice ring out and then she appeared. Josh didn't even bother to look at her. He just sat, with his legs tucked close to his body, his head resting in his arms.

"Mom's been looking for you an hour," Lori said, walking closer to Josh. "She had to take Kyle home."

"I asked Kyle to win me the car."

"You know, Josh, sometimes there are more important things than a car." I could sense the anger in Lori's voice. "Did you not notice that Kyle practically got electrocuted?"

"Is he alright?" Josh replied.

"Yeah, he and Jessi are going to be fine, but was it worth winning a car over?"

"Look, if I knew what was going to happen, I wouldn't have asked him. Besides, I didn't ask him to win it for me."

I crouched down behind the tree I was standing behind. I knew it was wrong of me to eavesdrop, but I couldn't help it.

"Okay, wait. You asked Kyle to win you a brand new hybrid car that you couldn't offer in a million years, but you didn't ask him to win it for you? Are we talking about the same Josh?"

"I asked him to win it for Andy."

Lori sighed and sat down beside him.

"Josh, I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell us before?"

He shook his head.

"She didn't want me to. And now I've lost her."

"Look, Josh, I know she's…angry about you weaseling your way into the giveaway, but she'll get over it."

"No, I don't think she will."

I watched him wipe the back of his hand against his face, but, because he was partially turned away from me, I couldn't really tell what he was doing.

"I don't know what to do for her, Lori," Josh continued. "I mean, I try to do all these things because I think I'm helping her, but it seems like everything I do, she pushes me farther and farther away."

"Well, just think about how difficult this is for her. I mean, she's obviously scared about facing this…"

"Again."

"She had cancer before?"

I saw him nod, but offer no more information. I realized at that moment that he didn't have any more information. I had never told him anything about my previous experience with cancer.

"Okay, so she's scared about facing this again. And she's obviously confused about her feelings for you. And she doesn't want to rely on you because she's not yet sure if she can, but she wants you with her because she needs someone to be there for her. But she doesn't want you to be with her just because you feel badly for her. And now she's worried about what people will think about her not to mention that she's afraid of what you'll think about her. And let's not forget that she's still upset because you basically cheated your way into a charity event."

I couldn't help but drop my jaw. Lori had practically listed all of the feelings that were going on both inside my head and my heart and I hadn't even really had more than a five minute conversation with her at any given time.

"Woah…did you just channel mom or what?" Josh joked.

"You really care about her, don't you?"

I held my breath. Sure, he had told me to my face that he cared about me, but I still desperately wanted to hear what would come out of his mouth.

"I think I'm falling in love with her."

Author's Note:

Okay, this story seems to be getting more difficult to write as I go on. I'm still trying to get used to writing from one character's point of view. Thanks for the reviews I've received so far!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Love? Did he actually say love? He couldn't have said love, could he? Maybe he said something else. What else sounded like love? Dove? No, it definitely wasn't dove. What else rhymes with love? I thought long and hard. Nothing else rhymed with love. He had said it. He hadn't said that he was falling in dove with me. He said that he was falling in love with me.

It took all of my effort not to run away. Or maybe it was taking all of my effort not to run towards him. If I got up, I wasn't sure which one I would do. Running away seemed like the easiest thing to do, but not only would that make him aware that I was squatting behind a tree, listening to him and Lori's conversation, but it would also make it seem like I didn't want to hear it. And I definitely did.

Up until that moment, love meant giving my moms a hug before I went to bed and telling them I loved them. Now, love meant something totally different. Love meant someone choosing to love me for who I am, not just because they have to, but because they want to. And the question practically dangling in front of my face was did I love him back?

"And I'm not saying that because she's sick and I pity her. I'm falling for her, Lori. I never expected to, but I am. She's not just some girl. I want to be with her, not just for a day or a week or a month. I want to be with her…forever. Cancer or no cancer."

Lori didn't respond immediately. I could tell that she was taking her time. Although I knew that she and Josh fought constantly, they were also almost like each other's best friends, always there when the other one needed them. And Josh definitely needed her. Heck, I felt like I needed her.

"As your slightly older, slightly more intelligent sister, I should be telling you that you're too young to know what love really is. Or, at least that's what mom and dad would want me to tell you. But as someone who has seen you two together and who knows what love is, I'm going to tell you that I think you two belong together. And I think you need to tell her exactly how you feel."

"But how? I mean, she practically pushed me away when I told her I liked her. I don't know what she'd do if I told her I loved her."

She'd run into your arms and never let go, I wanted to shout, but I stayed where I was. Staying where I was was significantly easier than moving.

"You'll never know unless you tell her. Josh, you said she's not just some girl with cancer to you. Now you have to prove it."

"What if I lose her, Lori? What if she…" I heard him sigh. "Dies?"

I hated hearing that word coming out of his mouth. I hated what it sounded like. I hated how he said it. I had come to terms when I had first been diagnosed with cancer that I could, at any time, die. I wasn't afraid of death and I was willing to accept it, but not when he said it. When he said it, it made me angry. It made me want to fight death with everything I had.

"You just have to stay positive, Josh. For her and for you. She may not realize it, but she needs you to be strong for her. You have to believe in her. Like you said, she's fought this and won before. She's strong."

"But cancer kills, Lori. I mean, isn't that why they're always telling you not to smoke cigarettes? Because you'll die of lung cancer."

"Josh, Andy doesn't have lung cancer. Actually, what kind of cancer does she have?"

I watched him shake his head. He didn't know. I had never told him.

"I don't know," he said quietly.

"You don't know?"

"She never told me."

"Wow, she really doesn't want to talk about it, huh?"

"All I know is she gets these really bad headaches. And I was too stupid to even pick up on the fact that they meant something."

You're not stupid, I felt like shouting. I felt horrible that I had made him feel bad about himself. I was the stupid one who didn't want to share my problems with anyone else. I was the reason we were in this mess to begin with.

"Josh, you can't blame yourself. All you can do is be there for her. And you have to remember that it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

She was right. Why was I wasting time when love was right in front of me? What was I waiting for?

Lori stood, brushing the dirt and leaves off of herself.

"You going to be okay?" She asked him.

"Yeah, thanks."

"You want me to tell mom you'll be home for dinner?"

"No, I think I'll just…stay here for a while and maybe grab something later at The Rack."

"Okay."

Lori squeezed his shoulder before walking away. I held my breath, hoping that she wouldn't walk past where I was perched.

"Oh, and Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't forget to tell her how you feel."

She winked at him and continued to walk away. Fortunately she didn't come anywhere near me. The last thing I needed was to be discovered listening in on their entire conversation. He watched her as she walked away and I saw a tear flow down his cheek.

And that's when I realized that I wanted to be with him, too. The feelings that had been stirring inside of me since the first day I ordered a banana guava, hold the wheat grass, weren't just normal teenage feelings. I loved him. I loved the fact that he was totally clueless when it came to women. I loved the T-Shirts that he wore. I loved the feeling I got when I kissed him on the cheek and how jealous he got when I told him that I already had dates for the dance. I loved his witty banter and sarcastic remarks and I loved how it felt to simply be with him. I wanted to be his girl. His cancer girl.

Author's Note: Phew! Sorry this one took me so long. Again, real life has just been crazy and I've actually starting working on not one, but two other Jandy stories simultaneously so it doesn't leave me much time for working just on this story. But, I hope you enjoyed it and please review!


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

I saw him through the large glass window, sitting on one of the uncomfortable metal chairs of The Rack. The look on his face made me want to drop to my knees and beg for his forgiveness. He looked completely empty inside and I knew that I had caused that. I watched him pick up a cheese and salsa covered nacho and put it back down on the plate. He stared down at the table, but I could tell that he wasn't really looking at anything at all.

I walked forwards and stopped at the doorway. He glanced over at me and for a moment I caught his eyes. I was hoping that he could see in my face just how sorry I was. I was at a loss for words. There were so many things I wanted to tell him, but no words would form.

I slowly approached him, fiddling with my fingers. I had a tendency to do that when I was nervous, bite my finger nails or nervously drum my fingers against each other. He kept staring at me, his eyes searing through my skin to my soul.

My feet began to move forward although my brain was screaming for me to go back. Telling him I loved him was going to be one of the hardest things I had ever done. Even more difficult than battling cancer, but I had to do it. After all, as Lori had pointed out, it's better to love and lost than never to have loved at all.

"What did I miss?" I asked, unable to come up with anything else. If I could start with small talk, I might be able to work up to something bigger. At least that's what I told myself as I stopped in front of him.

"Well, the circuits got overloaded from all the sound equipment and lights. There was some sort of explosion."

"My God."

I sat because I knew that I couldn't tell him what I needed to tell him standing up. I thought about Kyle and Jessi. I had been so preoccupied with dealing with my own feelings that I didn't even know what happened. I tried to put my own thoughts aside and just talk to him.

"But Kyle and Jessi are okay," he quickly told me.

"Would it be totally wrong for me to ask you who won?"

The truth was, I did want to know and I figured, as long as I continued with the small talk, I would be okay.

"Technically, Kyle and Jessi both won. But since they can't split the car without a chainsaw, the judges decided to give it to the charity."

"That's an entire day wasted." Then I thought of the surprise I had come up with while walking back to my house. The surprise that would hopefully tell Josh just how I felt. "I, on the other hand, have been very productive." I began to unbutton my jacket. "Check this out. How sweet is this?" I leaned back in my chair, taking in his reaction. He was smiling. I somehow knew that everything was going to be okay. "My very own lame slogan."

"So, you're ready to go public?"

"I guess I kind of did already. Besides, if I didn't have this on, yours would look really stupid."

I reached into my pocket where I had squeezed the shirt and I pulled it out, showing it to him.

"I'm with cancer girl."

"But you'll always have to stand on my left or it won't make sense."

I was hoping I got my message across. I wanted him there next to me always.

"That's awesome." I saw him look down. "You're awesome."

His eyes met mine and I knew he understood. Somewhat embarrassed, I looked away from him. How in one day had I gone from strongly disliking him to realizing I was in love with to deciding I was going to tell him I was in love with him to being embarrassed by him telling me I was awesome?

"You're kind of awesome, too." I wanted to add in an 'and I love you' at the end, but I didn't.

I saw his face rapidly approaching mine. I prepared myself, thinking that our moment had finally come. When his lips made swift contact with my cheek, I couldn't help but smile. I had to remind myself that he was totally clueless when it came to woman.

"Um…" I muttered softly, leaning in towards him. "That's not how you do it."

I closed the gap between us, pressing my lips against his. The moment we made contact I felt a sudden energy flowing through me. My entire body tingled from my lips to my toes. I pulled away, even though I didn't want to. For whatever reason I felt like I had to. Like I needed to give him the choice if he wanted to continue. When I saw the look in his eyes, though, and the slight smirk on his face, I knew.

This time we approached each other, meeting each other in the middle. I immediately cupped his cheek with my hand. I wanted to feel his skin pressed against mine as his lips devoured my own. I had never felt so good before. So alive. The entire concept of cancer slipped out of my head. He made me forget everything bad that had ever happened. I was lost in his lips, his scent, something between all-spice and musk tantalized me. I never wanted to stop.

I felt his hand tangle inside my hair, holding my head. His touch was electric. I could feel the heat radiating between us.

I had only been kissed once before this, by a boy in eighth grade who took me to a school dance and thought he was going to get lucky under the bleachers. I ended up slapping him and walking away. This kiss was different. This kiss meant something. I wasn't sure how many girls Josh had kissed in the past, as matter of fact, I didn't really want to think about it, but one thing was certain – he knew what he was doing.

Only out of necessity to breathe, I backed off slightly. I took my hand from his face, but he continued to stroke my hair.

"Wow," he whispered, taking my hand with his other hand. He smiled and brought my hand to his lips. He kissed my skin lightly, causing me to blush. I could still taste him as I licked my lips and I wanted to taste him again. I knew, though, that as much fun as kissing was at that moment, there were other matters that had to be dealt with.

"Let's go somewhere," I suggested.

He smirked. "I know just the place."

Author's Note: First off – obviously parts of this chapter were from the actual episode Hands On A Hybrid, so I take no credit for that. Second of all, I apologize for my lack of updates. When I began this story, I thought it would be pretty quick and painless to write and post, but it's turning out to be much more of an ordeal than I thought. Writing in first person doesn't come very naturally to me so I'm struggling with getting Andy's voice down. I also never realized just how busy I was until I found that the only time I have for writing is when I'm sitting in class scribbling in the margins when I really should be listening to my professor. Anyway, I hope you liked it and I promise I'll get the next chapter up as soon as I can!


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

He took my hand, his fingers wrapping around mine. The touch of his skin against my own made my whole body shiver with delight. He stood, pulling me up with him.

"Come on," he said.

He held onto my hand tightly as we walked back through The Rack. I loved the way it felt being connected to him that way. I loved that the few people left inside could see that we were connected. Being with him wasn't just a secret burning desire inside of me anymore. It was out in the open for everyone to see and I couldn't wait to share it with the rest of the world.

We walked together through the front door and into the parking lot. His car was one of the only ones left in the lot. As we walked, hand in hand, side by side, our shoulders only inches from touching, I felt the urge to stop him and plant a kiss straight on his lips. I didn't know why, but I just wanted to. I wondered if that's what part of being in love was all about. Wanting to do things with the person you were in love with for no reason at all.

We reached his car. I was surprised when he walked with me to the passenger's side and opened the door for me.

"I'm impressed," I commented as I got in the car.

He shut the door when I was successfully inside and walked quickly to the other side.

"Why?" He asked as he slipped inside the car.

"Opening the door for me? Most guys wouldn't be bothered."

"Most guys didn't have as good of a teacher as I did."

I smiled, remembering the date training I gave him. I had struggled then between actually giving him good dating advice and sabotaging the whole thing. After all, why did I want him to have a successful date with another girl when I was just beginning to realize that I had some sort of feelings for him? I finally decided that the bottom line was that I wanted him to be happy, even if that meant dating a big boobed Barbie. I couldn't have been happier when he had shown up at my door. Although he was a little crushed because he was stood up, I prided myself in the fact that I was able to cheer him up.

"I'm just impressed you remembered," I said. "I thought Josh Tregar had the attention span of a toddler."

He smiled and started the car. I loved that I could still joke with him. I realized that I had this fear that changing our relationship would change our dynamic, but it hadn't.

Josh put the car in reverse and backed out of the spot. As he put the gear into drive and put his foot on the gas, I felt his hand slowly close the gap between us and land on the spot right above my knee.

I rolled my eyes and secretly smiled inside.

"I know, it's crossing the line for a first date, but I couldn't help myself."

He picked up his hand, but I grabbed it before he could get too far with it. I placed it back on my leg.

"Well, technically this is our second date, so I guess it's okay," I said. "But let me tell you, if you had tried this with Davah, it would have been sayonara Josh."

"Davah who?" He replied.

I couldn't help but laugh. I don't know if it was just that I had finally realized that I had officially fallen for him or if he was just getting better at talking to women, but he suddenly seemed like the ultimate ladies man.

"Good answer," I said, placing my hand over his on my knee. "So, where are we going?"

"You'll see," he replied.

We drove in silence, his hand never leaving the spot right above my knee. I found myself staring at him every once and a while as we drove. I was happy to find him glancing my way every once and a while, too.

As we continued on our way, the sun seemed to sink quickly below the trees. By the time Josh had taken a right off the main road we had been traveling on for quite a while, the moon and the stars were the only thing lighting up the night sky.

"Okay, where are we going?" I asked, squeezing his hand.

"You don't remember this place?"

I looked out the window, but couldn't see anything except trees lining the road on both sides. I hated to remind him that all trees basically look the same.

"Remember what?" I asked.

As soon as I said it, he pulled into a large clearing and I smiled.

"You actually remembered how to get here?"

It had been an accident that we had found the scenic overhang the night Josh had been stood up. We were on our way to the restaurant that I had helped pick out for him and Davah to go to when we realized we were lost. While trying to turn around, we stumbled across the clearing and decided that the scenery was so breathtaking that we should stay. I was impressed to find that Josh had secretly stashed a hot mug of coffee in his trunk.

"Well, not so much remembered as googled," Josh remarked, bringing the car to a stop.

"What did you google? Clearing in the middle of the woods overlooking the city?"

"Yeah, something like that."

For the first time since we left the Rack parking lot, he took his hand off my leg and opened his door. I immediately missed his touch.

"No, really, what did you google?" I asked also getting out of the car.

"Let's just say that it took a lot of research."

He hopped on top of the hood of his car like he had done the first time we had gone to the spot together. This time, though, things were different. I could feel it in the air. And I could see it just by the way he looked at me.

"Come on, tell me."

He reached his hand out to me and I climbed up onto the hood beside him.

"Alright. I googled make-out spots."

I burst out laughing, unable to stop myself. Imaging Josh googling make-out points amused me for some unknown reason.

"What, were you planning on bringing Davah here after she stood you up?"

"No," he answered, placing his arm around my shoulder. "I was planning on bringing you back here as soon as I got the guts to ask you out for real."

He dipped his head lower to mine and his lips made contact with mine. I felt my eyes close, although I didn't consciously close them, as he buried one hand in my hair and explored my mouth with his. At that moment I couldn't believe we had waited that long to be together.

"Josh," I whispered against his lips.

"Mmm?"

I put my hand on his chest, stopping him.

"We need to talk."

Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed! Only one more chapter to go!


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

I started to play with my fingers, picking at the skin around my fingernails. Who knew this was going to be so hard?

I glanced over at him, my eyes focusing on his lips. As I watched his tongue dart between his lips, moistening them, I didn't want to talk anymore. I wanted him to kiss me until neither of us could breathe. I looked up into his eyes, noticing that he was staring back at me.

"Stop," I said, looking away from him.

"Stop what?" He asked.

"Stop...staring at me."

"I can't help it," he said, smirking, his hand snaking around my waist. "You're impossible not to stare at." He slid me closer to him until there was no space between us.

"I'm serious, Josh." His nose began to nuzzle my neck. "If you don't stop…"

"If I don't stop…what?"

I sighed, out of ecstasy or frustration, I wasn't sure. It took all of my effort not to give in to him.

"Josh…" I said in barely a whisper. He was seducing me and he was succeeding.

"That has got to be the sexiest sound I have ever heard," he said, looking at me like I had just told him I was from outer space.

"What was?" I asked, confused.

"You, whispering my name." As he bent his head to kiss me, I hopped off the hood of the car and walked over to the edge of the overhang.

"Something wrong?" He asked, gathering his legs up to his chest.

I could feel tears welling in my eyes. Why was I crying now? Now when I had the perfect guy sitting on the hood of a car waiting for me to come back and kiss him silly? Why was I crying now? Because there were still so many things that were unresolved. Because I knew how he felt about me and I still couldn't come out and say how I felt. Because he didn't know that I knew how he felt about me. The reasons kept floating around in my head.

"Andy?" I heard him slide off the hood and walk over to me. I wiped my eyes with my hands. "You okay?" I didn't answer. I didn't want him to know that I was crying. How could I explain that, on the happiest day of my life, I was shedding tears? "Is it your head? Do you want me to take you home?" I could feel the urgency in his voice. He was worried about me.

I turned to face him.

"I'm fine," I assured him. "But I have to tell you something."

I could see the confusion in his eyes. "Okay," he said.

"I heard you," I confessed.

"Heard me? Heard me what?"

"I heard you in the woods when you were talking to Lori."

He shook his head like he couldn't understand what I was saying.

"What?"

"After we…fought, I came back looking for you and I saw you sitting in the park. I should have…talked to you right then and there, but I hid. And then Lori came and I just…"

"Were eavesdropping."

I looked into his eyes, but couldn't read him. Was he hurt? Was he angry? Did he still love me?

"Josh…I'm sorry. I was just so confused about everything. About the stupid car and the stupid fundraiser that I kept telling myself I didn't want to go to even though I really did. About my cancer and how unfair it is. About how I felt about you and how you felt about me."

"Are you still confused?"

He reached for my hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it lightly.

"No," I whispered. "I'm not confused anymore."

He put his hands on my waist.

"Tell me what you want."

"You. I want you. Josh, I lov…"

His lips were on mine before I could finish my sentence. I made a mental note to teach him that it was impolite to cut someone off when they were speaking, but as his hands circled around my back, the thought disappeared.

"You're not mad?" I asked when we parted, our foreheads leaning against each other.

"Well, next time I would appreciate you telling me that you're listening to me pouring my heart out to my sister, but no, I'm not mad. Nothing matters except that we're finally together."

"Took us long enough, didn't it?"

He laughed. "Yeah, it did."

He kissed me again, this time with less urgency. Like we had all the time in the world.

"When did you know?" I asked him, looking him straight in the eye. God, I loved his eyes. I could get lost in them.

"When did I know what?"

"That…you…" I couldn't say the words. I wanted to hear them from his lips, not mine.

"That I loved you?"

His words brought unexpected tears from my eyes. After all, I had heard him confess to Lori that he loved me and yet, it was different as he said them to me.

"That you loved me," I repeated quietly.

"I think I've known it for a while, but when you walked away from me at the fundraiser…when I watched you walk away and I thought I had lost you…I knew. I knew that I didn't want to go on without you, pretending that we were just friends when there were so many more emotions in my heart. What about you? When did you know that you lov…"

It hit me. For all the talking we had been doing and feelings we had been revealing, I hadn't yet told him I loved him.

"I do love you, Josh," I said quietly, squeezing his hand. His lips formed a smile. They made me want to kiss them. "I knew I loved you the moment I saw you cry. That's when I knew that this was all real. That, no matter what, I knew that you would be in this and that I wanted you. I want to be your girl. Your cancer girl."

"You are," he whispered in my ear. "And after we fight this cancer together and win, you won't be my cancer girl any more. You'll just be my girl."

"I like the sound of that," I said against his lips.

We kissed again. I wondered if anyone had ever felt as remarkable as I did at that very moment.

"I love you," he said without fear, without holding back, without any hesitation. I knew that I could get very used to hearing those words come out of his mouth. As soon as he said them, I already wanted to hear them again. But I knew it was my turn because, as much as I wanted to hear them, he did, too.

"And I love you," I returned, throwing my arms around his neck and kissing him like he had never been kissed before.

Author's Note: Wow – that was a totally different ending than I had anticipated, but I just went with it. Thank you again to everyone who has read this story - I know it took me a long time to finish and I really appreciate all the patience and feedback. I probably won't work in first person again any time in the near future, but it was a fun experiment to try and I hope everyone enjoyed it. Be on the lookout for more Jandy stories coming soon!


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